"Dear God, I hope someone answers."
He ever so carefully slid his finger across the skating rink of heat sensors and circutry, and the big white hand in the sky hovered over "Submit."
Click.
His heart thumped. Because of Neelpos, time had run out months ago, and tension was high. He felt slightly guilty, doing something like this behind his friend's back. But, alas, Neelpos was a lazy sloth. And to Illy, this was more than just a game. It was redemption.
"Redemption. Ha!" He laughed at his insanity the way a jackal laughs at the moon. "Truly, I am going mad. But, alas, there is always a bit of reason in madness."
Having sent his plea for help, his distress call, his SOS, his heart eased just a little more. Tomorrow, he'd have to find a way to check if someone answered it. Alas, why must the school's proxy always interfere with the most noble of causes? 'Twas like a troll guarding a bridge.
But even then, solving the dillema at hand was only the immediate goal. The longterm goal was a gamble with all the cards stacked against him, and only one chip to play. The very thought nagged at the back of his mind, pulling and tugging at the pink, fleshy mass. The beast was especially hungry today, as well.
First, he'd have to test the waters. If people were disinterested, it would be washed away in the tides. In that case, he'd have to spread it like a virus, posting it up on a few different forums and recieve feedback from there, and ask that they share it with their friends if they approved.
But on the other hand, if people approved, it would not be washed away, but float upon the stormy seas, above the shattered dreams it could have joined.
After that, the true challenge begins. Then, he'd have to chronicle the rest of Flaeseeker's journey. From there... from there...
"No, not wise to plan that far ahead quite yet. I still must concentrate on the task at hand."
EDIT: 3-5 descriptive words: Thumped, tension, plea. I think these 3 really helped me convey the sense of nervousness, the idea that time had ran out.
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5 comments:
Justin,
I really enjoy the content of this discriptive piece. Because I have read earlier posts, I believe I know what it is about. Your video game that you are developing? And I think Neelpos is Julian Grijalva, right? I'm pretty sure that's his DeviantART name. This was really good because of the language you used. Strong figurative language such as "lazy sloth" really helped me envision someone being too lazy to even move. Nice job!
Thanks!
Yeah, Neelpos is Julian. I just didn't want to insult him in public too openly.
Tension Redemption!
Those are the words i believe are very strong here, mainly because i am way too lazy to look for any more. They invoke a feeling of stress (for tension) and a strong feeling of wanting to prove yourself (for redemption).
Its a good thing...Mythbusters exists!
ZOMG! its funny.... its funy cuz i know neelpos isn't helping u with sprites... their mine now! anywho i thought of the analagies helped ppl whoa arnt tech savy sort of get the jist of what u are talking about, a least maybee a little. also u use "illy" insted of just i think this makes the reader know u are online because u are using sn's.
hmmmmmm, just a thoguht... but i was thing back about what i said and baybee this is still too techie for ppl to figure out. i mean only cameron, olivia and i posted, is that not about the only people who would know what ur atlking about, or am i just ranting too much??
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